What does this painting in progress need? Please respond. And while you're at it please give me feedback on this draft of the following temple poem I am submitting to the temple-focus issue of Perspective that's coming up.
Sunrise Pink, Ocean Blue
these papers we pin to sleeve
or slip into pocket. Perhaps
you carry mine, or I carry your
family name, firm as passports
to travel us through time
and eternity, centuries courting,
our cares galaxy wide,
or near as the neighbor in for surgery.
I write her name on paper whiter
than any hospital sheet. She
in turn may once have written mine,
or yours, penned perfect empathy.
These names too are gathered
and sown like wheat seed, tossed
heavenward where they may take root,
shoot becoming stalk, head to grain
to be garnered soon or late. All workers
here are also given a name and a blessing,
cradled and bounced anew by arms
that know how to write remembrance.
I speak that name and listen for
the whispered sacred response.
Can I hear stars speak for me,
or is that just the sea breeze
whispering praise to the rising sun.
--Anonymous
7 comments:
Is there a reason there's no Moroni on your temple?
I love your poem. I'm going to let it sink in a wee bit more and then I'll get back to you about it.
-Laura Adams
Painting feedback: more orange?
Poem feedback: I love it.
Thanks.
I tried to think of something constructive to say about the painting, pretending I know what I am talking about. I love the sky and the reflection on the black ground. I like the temple but would like to see more of a subtle glow than actual brushstrokes. More blending or something?
lower lights. Take that how ever you want. I'm no painter, but one night as I was driving into Rexburg I looked up at the temple and wondered what was causing such a beautiful halo of light around it's base. I realized after a second look that it was just the parking lot lights, but now every time I look at the temple, I'm hoping I'll see that beautiful ethereal lower light glow again.
I absolutely love the painting. It may be my favorite, but then I have so many favorites. I would suggest that the sky has more color in it--more red, blue, and orange. Not in the big circles, but in the smaller ones. I also think you need more smearing, or whatever you call it, up around the spire. I think it needs to be blurred all the way around, rather than the two chunks on either side that aren't blurred.
This is Jake and Steph Christensen. We found this on Laura's blog and are just admiring your picture of the temple. Someday when Jake is a dentist we'll buy the whole lot! : ) We'll be visiting in August to finally see the temple complete and hope to be able to see you and your wife as well!
I would push the blurring of the light to be more automatic, or spontaneous or refine it more. I think right now it is balancing in the middle. I love it though. I am glad to see some thoughtful temple art that is different. I really liked the photo of the temple in the water too. It gives me ideas. HUmmmmmmmmm if only I made more time to paint.
Post a Comment